5 strategies to improve confidence (straight from the therapy couch!)

There are many ways for one to improve confidence on a daily basis. Here are my 5 suggestions that are techniques I use in therapy on a regular basis:

5 strategies to improve your confidence

Identify and challenge unhelpful thinking styles.

Low confidence often stems from, and is maintained by negative self talk. Unhelpful, negative, critical thoughts about yourself that are repeated throughout the day. My favourite quote to remember is “I never thought I was a bully until I listened to how I spoke to myself”. We say the meanest things to ourselves that we would NEVER say to friend or loved one. So why do we say it to ourselves?

Spend a week writing down every mean thing that you notice thinking about yourself. All of the labels, the criticisms, the jabs etc. Take some time to go over them and really acknowledge where they come from and why you are doing it. And then, write down an argument or challenge against each one. Practice this regularly and you will start to notice a difference in how you speak to yourself!

10 minutes of mindfulness a day

Mindfulness has been a buzzword for a while, but the research is showing just how much benefit it can have for improving mental health, lowering stress levels and producing positive emotions. Confidence is often lowered when people are stressed and unhappy with themselves and their lives. By taking some time out each day to connect with your mind, your body, and your surroundings, you start to develop a sense of gratitude and calm that can greatly improve how you see yourself.

It doesn’t take much time to develop a mindfulness habit each day. I often recommend an app like Smiling Mind or Headspace, which have mindfulness recordings that are 5-10 minutes long. EVERYONE can find 5-10 minutes in their day to press play and sit still, I promise you.

Create a ‘yes’ and ‘no’ list

This one I love doing in sessions, and I outline the process more in my Self Care Workbook. Basically this involves sitting down and writing two lists for yourself. One is an “Absolute Yes” list and one is an “Absolute No” list.

The Absolute Yes list includes all of the non-negotiable things you want to say yes to this week. It may be one yoga class, early nights, a drink with a friend etc.

The Absolute No list includes all of the non-negotiable things you want to say no to this week. It might be answering emails past 5pm, cleaning your kids room for them etc

Daily affirmations

I’m a big fan of affirmations. Not because they ‘cure’ anything or magically make you happier or more confidence. But because they start the practice of bringing more positive self talk into your day and they force you to say nice things to yourself where you usually wouldn’t. Once you get the hang of them, they can be very powerful to boost your confidence!

You can either create your own, or buy a set (I have created a pack for adults and for children which you can buy from my shop)

Want to improve your positive self talk? Get your free weekly self esteem journal below.

Weekly self esteem journal for blog

Accepting compliments

Learning how to accept compliments is a simple but powerful tip for improving confidence. Low self esteem often results in an automatic response to dismiss any compliments by either ignoring them, minimising them, or arguing against them.

If you find yourself responding to a compliment with “Oh, this didn’t really cost much” “Are you kidding, I look terrible” “Don’t say that, its not true” etc, then you definitely need to practice this one.

Set yourself a goal that you will respond to every compliment this week with a simple “Thank you” and a smile. Don’t force anything more than that, and try really hard not to argue with yourself in your mind as well. People like giving compliments and accepting them is not only kind to yourself, but it shows gratitude and kindness to the other person as well.

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Comments

  1. So many great tips here! I have also tried to stop saying sorry. I’m not sorry and so I shouldn’t keep saying that I am. Once I stopped saying it I realised just how often I was saying it. Little changes have big results.

    1. Jess

      You are so right Bron, I am also a bit of a ‘sorry’ person and it can be such an automatic response when I don’t actually mean it! I think it is more of a female-driven quality as well, we often apologise for things when we should just own them.

    1. Jess

      Hey it only needs to be 5-10mins a day to have benefits, get to it Sammie!

  2. I love this! I started yoga awhile ago and loved the learning about the importance of mindfulness. I felt BRILLIANT during that 6 week class. We would get a little affirmation card at the start of class, keep it under our mat and read it at the end of the class. It was amazing, and i felt so calm and peaceful during a rather stressful few weeks there. I must find some weekend classes and get back into it. Amazing tips Jess xx

    1. Jess

      Love the idea of the affirmation to read at the end of the class, how lovely.

  3. I bookmarked your affirmation cards, love that you’ve made them for kids too, hoping I can treat myself to some soon.
    I am a lot kinder to myself than I used to be. It’s a shame it’s taken a good chunk of my life to realise I needed to be a better friend to myself x

    1. Jess

      I hope you do, they are such a lovely treat 🙂 So glad to hear you are working on self kindness.

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